I'm pretty much settled into my room in Jakarta. The cargo has arrived and I have unpacked them all. It feels so comforting having all of my belongings with me. Yes I have attachment to them. My clothes are nicely stacked up, facial products and vitamins are neatly displayed and easy to reach, my sport shoes, sandals and heels are all here; making dressing up easier. The essential oil vaporizer makes my room smells nice and relaxing. I brew different flavour of herbal teas in a big jar everyday, chill it and drink it cold throughout the day to make sure I have enough fluid (my trick cos I don't like plain water) and avoid flavoured sugary drink.
I am in a very much comforting place. Mom wakes up at 5am everyday and breakfast will be ready by 7am. I wake up with warm food ready on the table. I know what a great blessing it is. Dad fixes everything in the house; change the lightbulb, fix the scratch and dent in the car, call the aircon technician. Both of them share the housework since my mom decided not to use maids anymore few years back. And both of them can't stand any dirty dish lying around (even just one mug and one spoon). The house and the kitchen is always clean. If I am not quick enough to wash the dishes or fold the laundry, I won't have any work left to do!
Mom and dad were so efficient that I felt useless in the earlier days of my move here. Soon I learnt to be quicker than them and check out the kitchen for anything that can be cleaned. I just want to feel like I still share a little bit of work and not feeling like a spoiled, useless person.
I spent the last few weeks of September thinking of what I should work as career wise. I know I have been bragging about doing videos, youtube, social medias. I even gave myself one year of break to catch up with anything I want to do and hopefully make career out of the social medias. But then I doubt myself and my decisions. Why should I spend my time posting things online when everybody else go to the office and do "real job"? I am 29 and this is really not the time for me to play and experiment. I should go for steadiness, get firm in my career. And if I am not living in my parents house and eat the food they provide, I would have incurred some cost daily and that would have kicked my ass and force me to jumpstart any career and not being so picky.
So I applied for jobs unrelated to pole; jobs that is to do with psychology since that is my educational background. I even considered being a full time and leave pole for good. I felt like my luck with pole has drained since 2012. That is the year of the tv show in Jakarta and I felt like it went downhill afterwards. I made bad decisions (of course I thought I made the right decision back then) such as rejecting the tv contract and chose to return to Singapore to continue be a pole teacher. The tv and the medias work in a very tight timeline. If they need you, they will only send you the invitations 3 days in advance. I missed out on a few gigs and interviews since I couldn't just fly and leave my responsibilities in Singapore.
Anyway, 2.5 years have passed and now I am finally back to Jakarta. I thought since I live here now I should not have any problem grabbing all the show and interview offers. Not that easy it turns out. You know the saying "strike the iron while it's hot"? Well the iron is not hot anymore now, unfortunately for me.. So that is also why I become jittery and thought of other option such as returning to the psychology field.
At this point of writing I am still clueless of what to do, but this is what I know amidst my confusion:
1. I got invited to be a guest start in a tv show, collaborating with Glenn Fredly, one of the legendary pop singer in here. You probably saw the picture from my FB post 2 weeks ago.
2. I did an interview for a media for their October edition. I am excited to see how the story turns out!
3. I am waiting for confirmation for another tv show.
4. I spoke to my dad about my anxiety in this unclear period, that I am practically jobless and don't know what to choose and if I will get what I choose. Dad's answer: "Relax, you've been working all this time. Just take your time to relax." Sometimes he would add "Maybe you can focus on finding a husband and get married". That reminds me, I am jobless and husbandless! Ha.
This is what I am now, feeling confused everyday but mom feeds me good food and dad makes sure I am happy and comfortable. So it's a balance of ideal and not ideal, happy and not happy. When I thought I decide to leave pole and focus on a new career, an invitation to perform popped out. That gave me hope and I have my fingers crossed that my lucky star is still with me. Maybe I can still pave my career in pole and showbiz. But then it went quiet for a while, no further news no invitation. I get disappointed, I returned to look at jobstreet pages. But then the next show invitation popped out. Sigh.. my pole career is so unpredictable right now. I thought I could afford the extra pounds if I don't do performances anymore. I ate so many moon cakes already but now waiting for a show confirmation T__T